I Began to Love...

in a state of chaos
flooded by emotion and
jeweled in complexity
Love is a puzzle of misshapen pieces
and I am far from an architect
Nevertheless...
I continued to love
in an unhealthy solitude
muting sounds and patterns that lacked her allure
All I wanted to hear was
Love's beautiful voice
but it was deafening
and I could not make sense of her vibrations
rapid and slow
high and low
without distinct transitions
and unfortunately I did not possess the ability to conduct
Even still...
I am in love
sorting through the past
examining today
(tomorrow is ripe...I can taste her)
I revolve her name in and out of me
21 times a day
allowing her to run through me with obnoxious intent
I am not a masochist
I am hoping to find clear and open spaces
for Love to rest her reckless soul

I Had the Audacity...

to leave my bullshit at the door
and to love you without repetition of my past
I can't do anything else but laugh
at my nerve
knowing it could not have been done any other way

My pride transformed in a raging whisper
I am not ashamed to reveal my affection
Echos of yesterday are merely a reflection
of who I will never be again...
I am proud to love you

I do love you
and more than tears
I have shed years
of conditioning that I do not regret
I stand here now with reason

I made the decision to feel
outside of my mind
embracing the anchors of strength aligned down my spine
holding me in the right place...
finally

Do Not Tell Me Who to Be...

for you
Do not ask me how to feel
to accommodate your emotion
Do not try to change who I am
to fit your description
Do not ask me to be like you
in the name of love
Do not try to alter my perception
to have to agree with your reality
Do not hold my hand
and refuse to let go
Do not categorize me
to satisfy your expectation
Do not love me
if you cannot

I Thank You For These Words...

they will be the last in thought of you.

I am still shocked...
stinging from the welts reality has left...
each tear salted by ignorance
burning a sweet lullaby through my veins

So foolish of me to take in your words...
to breathe in thoughts I imagined as truth
I did believe you...I felt you
I swore you felt me too
but I now realize it was under false pretense

Did revenge motivate the beauty spewed from your filthy tongue?
Were you hoping I'd play the position of pawn as you had before?
That's where we differ...
you and I

Reality smacked me and I did not raise my hand...
I respect her
I would never fight her back in an attempt to play out my desire...
No...I could never be like you in that regard

I am taking my last breath with you
and my heart will not be resuscitated by your words...
it will never ache for you again as it did just a moment ago

I thank you for these words...
they are the last in thought of you.

Since Situations Come Full Circle...

I had to handle my first degree with care
considering the impact I would make once I got to 360

As tempting as it was to proceed without caution...
I knew each action would follow until the closure of my sphere
There was no option to retract...
do-over...
or ability to change its form
Inevitably, I had to lay my own circular path...
with each degree cemented behind me

Involuntarily
thoughts of being reckless consumed me
My selfishness encouraged me to manipulate 90 degrees of reality

75% of the right thing had to overshadow 25% wrong...
No?

No...
one degree could not dilute the next...
each were equal in weight
and would equally impact me as a whole